Monday, September 26, 2011

Top Ten LOLs from Yesterday's Eagles Loss to the Giants

1. Bumbling coach Andy Reid made the following idiotic moves: The Eagles had the ball. Third and 1 from the Giants 1-yard line. It was actually more like the one-inch mark. Rather than take another shot sneaking it over the goal line with Michael Vick or sending LeSean McCoy over the top via handoff, he chose to have Vick step about three yards back and hand the ball to seldom-used fullback Owen Schmitt. Schmitt was predictably stonewalled! LOLZ!

2. Early in the fourth quarter, the Eagles have a 16-14 lead. They have the ball at the Giants' 43. It's 4th and 1. The smart move would be to punt and allow the Giants to start deep in their own territory. So of course Reid chooses to hand off to McCoy, who was abruptly swallowed up by the entirety of the Giants' defense. With great field position, the Giants would grab the lead and never relinquish it. BWAHAHAHAAH!

3. At the end of the first half, the Eagles were in position for a field goal that would leave them trailing 14-13 going into the locker room. However, the Eagles almost couldn't get the kick off because...SURPRISE!!!!!!...Andy had burned all of the team's timeouts. As is his wont. Unfortunately, kicker Alex Henery was able to get on the field quick enough to make the field goal. SIGH...

4. But fortunately, Henery did supply quality laughs when I saw that he had the guns of a 14-year-old girl...with anorexia! HARDY HAR!

5. Kudos to the ref who stood by and watched a Giants defensive lineman drill Vick in the head with a helmet-to-helmet hit without calling any kind of personal foul. Extra hilarity points to the fact that Vick somehow managed to hurt his hand while getting whaled right in the kisser. TEEHEE! (Unfortunately, Vick's hand is not broken. Neither is his jaw. We can't have everything, can we?)

6. Gotta love the Vick post-game press conference. He says he isn't going to blame the refs for their perceived non-calls on late hits, then he spends the next five minutes whining about how he is treated differently from other quarterbacks in the league. WAHHHHH! Sorry, Vick, but quarterbacks get hit. That's just the way it is! If you're scared, get a dog. Oh wait, by law, you are not allowed to own one.

7. People are shocked (SHOCKED!!!!) that DeSean Jackson only ended up with two catches after a meager showing in last week's game against the Falcons. How could this be? ('s because the Eagles didn't want to pay him and therefore he doesn't give a sh*t. Duh! GUFFAW!!!!!)

8. The last six times the Eagles opponenets have gotten beyond the 20-yard line, they have scored a touchdown. That's pretty pathetic. I wonder if that's because their linebackers and safeties are Canadian Football League material and their defensive coordinator was coaching the offensive line last year? You can't make this up. HA!!!!

9. Meanwhile, their three cornerbacks were supposed to be spectacular, right!? However, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie can't get on the field, you know, because you usually only play two cornerbacks at one time. Then you have Nnamdi Asomugha. The guy spent the better part of the afternoon yesterday getting burned by a frustrated salsa dancer named Victor Cruz. Asomugha? More like "Asomu-why-did -we-sign-this-guy-again?" Get it? GET IT!?!?!?!

10. This ridonkulous stiff-arm. Thank you, Eagles! Your extreme fail made my week! SHEEYAH!!!

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