The Freezer Case: Trader Giotto's Flatbread Pizza

What you are about to read is both a positive and a negative review. The truth is the pizza we had tonight was very tasty. But, in the end, I'm not sure if it was worth it, because...well, let me get to the pizza analysis.

Two factors led to my consuming Trader Giotto's Flatbread Pizza on this evening. First, wifey went to pilates. This left her with no time to prepare a detailed meal so quickness was of the essence. The second is that it was a meatless pie, and meat is something that is absolutely verboten on Ash Wednesday (unless it's a KFC Double Down; then all bets are off)! Therefore, the only toppings (if you will) on this pie were its mix of cheeses. There were four of them in all: mozzarella (yes!), provolone (OK...), asiago (you're losing me!), and ricotta (EWWWW!). After a 15-minute cooking time, it struck me that there looked to be a little more cheese on the pie than I usually prefer. But no matter! I was hungry, and, in a pinch, this would certainly do!

I have to give credit to Trader Joe's on this product. The sauce on the pie was ample enough that the cheese did not overwhelm. Said sauce had a better taste than I usually expect from a frozen pie (it should be stated that this is not actually a frozen pie; it is to be stored in the refrigerator). The crust consisted of a handmade ciabatta. It had a perfect texture, residing somewhere in the ideal nether world of soft and crunchy. It even had some fine seasonings on it, although I cannot actually say if it came like that, or if the wife worked some magic while I was putting the baby down for bed.

Serving-wise, it certainly looks small when you look at it, but four slices did me just fine. Put it out for two with a salad and you should be pretty much good to go!

Thus far, you are probably saying, "Dude, this is a rave. I'm going out to get me one right now." So before you grab the car keys and head out to your local Trader Joe's, I will just get swiftly to the negative: I had to go to the bathroom approximately 15.28 seconds after standing up from the dinner table. I mean, maybe that's me! I am not a big fan of ricotta. The texture. The taste. And apparently its ability to send me careening toward a toilet at a speed reminiscent of Randy Johnson's fastball at his mullet-rocking peak.

Look, I didn't mean to gross you out. If you are cool with all sorts of cheeses, feel free to purchase this pie. I think you will really like it. However, if you have a delicate stomach like me...you might want to...uh, you might want to...oh boy...sorry, I've got to run!