1. "Hot Stuff" - Donna Summer
I think I have this on there so my wife can here it every once in a while, or maybe it is the insanely catchy synth line at the beginning. Or the funky guitar picking! Or maybe I just want to make sure I am able to get into Studion 54 should they ever decide to reopen.
2. "Show Me" - The Cover Girls
Again, amazing synth in here. The drums, which were most likely played by a robot named the Dancemaster 3000, are incredibly catchy. And the three ladies singing this jam, while they won't be getting a call from the Metropolitan Opera any time soon, do a solid enough job staying in pitch and bringing enough energy to bring the crowds to the dance floor.
3. "Diamond Girl" - Nice & Wild
Probably the best song ever to start with two minutes of heavy breathing and drum programming that would make an epilepsy sufferer immediately go into wild histrionics. Oh, and the last minute or so is in Spanish so this thing is all over the place! There is also a guitar solo at 2:30 mark that would embarrass the lead ax man for [insert your least favorite hair metal band here]. Then there is the super-deep voiced chorus guy! Then the part when it sounds like people are getting it on in the studio while they are trying to record the track! Flat-out insane. And great! (Sorry, but I don't know what is going on in that video!)
4. "Forever" - Chris Brown
I hate that I have this woman-beating clown on my iPod! But then again, I am dancing while I am typing this. So...maybe everyone DOES deserve a second chance. Just don't electrocute any pit bulls, OK, Chris!
5. "Point of Return" - Expose
See the write-up for The Cover Girls. Only this song has a synth line that kicks in around the 1:58 mark that can only be described as...EPIC! This is followed my the cheesiest awesome guitar solo of all time, which only makes it rule more. I don't know what the best thing about the song is: the synth, the melodies, the bridge, the chorus...it is all SPECTACULAR. This is the "A Day in the Life" of 80s girl-group synth pop!
6. "The Glamorous Life" - Sheila E.
You know what? I really am not embarassed to have this one at all. It is written by Prince and performed by someone who should rightfully be seen as one of the greatest drummers of all time, Sheila E. But the thing that should probably keep it off the MP3 device is its length. Yes, that's right! I have the nine-minute version. Basically it is the version you have heard on the radio all of your life, but it is followed by about 6-minutes of E. banging on her drums, her bongos, her triangle, her cymbals, her kitchen pots and pans. She busts it all out. I may have even heard some spoon in there.
7. "Take Me In Your Arms" - Lil Suzy
Probably the best song ever performed by someone who sings worse than me, or at least a close second to "anything in the Bob Dylan canon." Hilariously, I bought this as a single, and it is off of an album called Hits Anthology. Please tell me that is at least an EP!!!
8. "Spring Love" - Stevie B
No reservations about having this on the iPod! It is a classic, and Mr. B. put out any number of other great songs ("I Wanna Be the One" jumps immediately to mind). But I figured I would put in on here so I could air a grievance! I go to the iTunes store. I punch in "Spring Love." I gladly shell out 99 cents for this freestyle classic. It downloads. Then I push play. It's a freaking remix! And not a completely different version. Just one of those versions where an artists changes the inflection on certain words to make it sound slightly different. What the f*ck? Why would you make a remix of "Spring Love?" It is already perfect. I consider this a betrayal!
9. "3 A.M. Eternal (Ancients of Mu Mu/La)" - The KLF
Do I really have to explain why this song is on the list? Look at that f*cking parenthetical!
10. "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" - The Human League
I have always felt a need to seem cool. I admit it! So, in the past, when asked what my favorite song of all time was, my immediate answer was David Bowie's "Heroes." The reason? Well, it is a great song and I really did think that it was the right answer. Then I heard a commercial about six months ago for some piece of technology that I have already forgotten exists. It had a slowed-down version of this song as its background. Anyway, it drove me to want to listen to the original version again. Insanely catchy synth opener? Check! Mammoth echoed drum crack? Check! Odd deep-voiced singer who wears full-on lady makeup in the video? Check! Funky-ass bass breakdown at 2:20 mark? Check! Finally (and I am just going to put it out there), greatest chorus of all time! Yes, it is true! I am not only not shy to say this is on my iPod, I am happy to say that it is UNDOUBTEDLY my favorite song of all time!
Just kidding! That title will always belong to:
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