Monday, October 3, 2011

What the F!?!?: Phillies Playoff Edition

What the F...was Cliff Lee doing blowing a 4-0 lead against superstars like Ryan Theriot, John Jay, and Rafael Furcal? This is a little bit scary, but in Lee's last three postseason starts, his ERA is over 7.00. And by the way, it could have been much worse. If Placido Polanco did not make an incredible play at third base in the first inning, the Cardinals add another run to their total. Same holds for when Carlos Ruiz held on to the ball despite being utterly flattened by a cheap-shotting Jay on a play at the plate in the fourth.

What the F...was umpire Jerry Meals doing behind the plate in a playoff game? This is the same guy who called a Braves runner safe at home plate earlier in the season despite the fact that he was clearly out by ten feet in an extra-inning game against the Pirates. It's living proof that there is simply no accountability on the part of baseball for the walking disgraces that are calling the balls and strikes in some of these games. Exhibit B, Joe West, is working the Brewers-Diamondbacks series this October.

What the F...was Meals doing calling Utley out on strikes on a pitch where Yadier Molina set up on the outside corner and then had to reach to his left to catch the ball? It was one of the most ridiculous strike calls in the history of the game. Just nowhere near the freaking plate.

What the F...was Charlie Manuel doing sending Cliff Lee out for the seventh inning? Lee was clearly shot at the end of the sixth. He had already given up nine hits, escaped with a mere four runs allowed, and had thrown 100 pitches. So Manuel, due to his "trust his veterans" philosophy, sends Lee out to be further pummeled despite the fact that the batters coming up are righty-righty-switch. That's just stupid. Inept. I know it is absurd that Tony LaRussa sits there waltzing to the mound every five seconds to change his pitcher, but Manuel's tendency to stick with his aces no matter what can be maddening...and costly.

What the F...was LaRussa doing whining to TBS about "two different strike zones" for Carpenter and Lee? The umpire was obviously an incompetent who didn't know what he was doing no matter which team was striding the mound. Meanwhile, half the time, the Cardinals batters were bitching about pitches that traveled right down the middle of the plate. What a bunch of blithering divas!

What the F...was TBS announcer Bob Brenly doing saying to LaRussa "From what I've seen, I tend to agree" about the supposedly different strike zones? If you want to audition for the great man's coaching staff, why don't you put the mic down first? It's hilarious that TBS rarely shows baseball all year long, yet during the playoffs, you seemingly get nothing but coverage from this channel and its B-league announcing teams.

What the F...was Jimmy Rollins doing getting picked off first with Chase Utley up in the seventh inning. With a lefty pitching, you have to be anchored to the base, yet this guy is trying to get his Rickey Henderson impersonation on with the game on the line. Inexcusable.

What the F...was the idiotic Rollins doing trying to hang the loss on the fanbase after the game? According to him, the Phillies didn't lose because of poor managing. They didn't lose because of Lee's unfathomable choke. They didn't lose because the Phillies vaunted roster couldn't manage more than one hit after the second inning. They lost because Citizens Bank Park wasn't loud enough. After the game, he was all over Twitter talking about how a fanbase being forced to watch a bunch of zombies sleepwalk all over the field needs to ramp it up a notch if they want their team to win in October. Jimmy, kudos for your 5-for-8 at the plate so far in this series, but if you guys want to hear drunks yelling at the top of their lungs, you might want to consider playing like you give a shizz.

What the F...did Octavio Dotel throw a fastball at Placido Polanco's head for? By the way, props out to my boy Vance Worley for returning the compliment to inexplicable seventh inning powerhouse Allan Craig!

What the up with all the f*cking avocado commercials?

What the F...were the Cardinals doing celebrating every hit as if they just won the World Series? These guys practically fell all over themselves jumping out of the dugout at the end of the game. The way the Cardinals coaching staff reacted to the third out in the bottom of the ninth, you would think their lives depended on the outcome of the second game of a five-game series. No truth to the rumor that they participated in a spontaneous circle jerk in the locker room as soon as the press was made to leave. At least I don't KNOW that there is any truth to it! It's only tied 1-1, guys! You still have to win two more before the gloating can truly begin.

What the F...are people so worried about? Did we really think we were going to sweep this team? Did I think that Cliff Lee would lose a game against a dude pitching on three days rest for the first time in his career? Not really. But I did predict that the series would go five games. This is a very good Cardinals team. They are like the anti-Phillies. Their pitching kind of blows, but, boy, can they hit. Meanwhile, Matt Holliday hasn't played an inning in the field. They are going to make this thing very tough on the Phillies, especially if his ouchy pinky or whatever heals. This being said, if Cole Hamels comes out and tosses a gem tomorrow, the Phillies will be up 2-1 with Roy Oswalt going against a stiff named Edwin Jackson in Game 4. Let's all calm the F down and let the Phillies show us why they won 102 games and were the best team in the entire sport of baseball.

Unless Charlie Manuel decides to start Raul Ibanez over John Mayberry tomorrow. In that case, we are all welcome to say...

What the F!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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