Saturday, August 27, 2011

Props Out: My Wife

Six years ago today, I married my wife, which is something I am starting to worry about. You see, six years ago today was also the first day that Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. When you consider that we are currently getting inundated by Hurricane Irene and that I just got a text from a buddy that there could be a TORNADO heading my way, you sort of have to worry that this day could be a little cursed.

But you know, I think it is wholly appropriate that I would have married my wife on this day, because she is a bit of a force of nature herself. She works a job while taking care of a kid every day and is always the first person a friend would call if they needed someone to talk to. And she would never skip the call. Meanwhile, she has to deal with a husband who knows nothing about finances, makes her talk to the waiter if his order gets screwed up, writes crazy posts about wanting to proposition ladies at his work during an earthquake, gripes every time she asks him to clean the house, and whines every time she tries to make him eat a meal that he knows is healthier for him then the first option he would have chosen (which would probably be a salt-filled burrito every time). There are many more aspects of his odd personality that there simply isn't time or space here to recount (esppecially since the power is going to go out any minute).

You know, I think anyone who knows me would be able to tell you one thing: If I were single, I would literally be rolling in the ladies. I am a late bloomer looks wise, and look especially spectacular since I took an interest in facial hair. I am an entertaining charmer with the ability to enrapture a whole table with one of my intoxicating conversations about Yao Ming. And in the comedy department, I am like a Chris Rock, a Ricky Gervais, or a Larry David, only if those guys were like 1,000 times funnier than they actually are.*

However, why would I want anyone else? I have a lady whose smile can take over any room. She is the nicest person you could ever meet. She is incredibly supportive of all my odd hopes and dreams. She is an incredible mother, an absolute natural at one of the toughest things you could ever choose to be in your life. Plus, she is darn sexy (this is key; nothing worse than one of those ones who blows up the second she says I do, nahm'sayin?).

It is ironic that, as I write this, winds are whipping at obscene speeds. Floods seem right around the corner with rivers and creeks swelling up from excess precipitation. As I said, a tornado straight out an L. Frank Baum novel is soon to be knocking at the door. I think I may have even seen a locust falling from the sky a minute ago. Where's the irony? Well, when I married her six years ago, I decided that if all this stuff was going to happen, there was no one in the world that I would rather go through it with than her.

Six years later, I don't think I have ever made a better decision in my life.

*By the way, none of this is true. In fact, if I were single right now, I have absolutely no doubt that I would be paying for sex on a consistent basis.

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