Yeah, I guess this isn't really a preview, huh? I did already see three games. Good thing, too! If I hadn't I probably would have been ringing the alarm bells along with everyone else!
CHASE UTLEY IS HURT!
DOMINIC BROWN BROKE HIS HAND!
BRAD LIDGE CAN'T THROW A BASEBALL!
JAYSON WERTH'S BEARD IS PLAYING FOR THE WASHINGTON LAUGHINGSTOCKS!
Yes, the reasons for concern were out there! But after watching three games, one thing is already clear:
Why? Well, of course the pitching is the first thing. I mean, here we are approaching the fourth game of the year and Cole Hamels hasn't even taken off his warmup jacket yet. The other day, defending Cy Young award winner Roy Halladay didn't have his best stuff: this misstep resulted in the opposing squad scoring one run against him. Then the next night brings Cliff Lee. With the sellout crowd giving him a standing ovation every time he adjusted his cup, Lee went on to strike out 11 while giving up five hits in a strong performance. The next day, Roy Oswalt took the mound and gave up...oh f*ck, I don't even remember. Seriously, we are three games in and I am already bored by this pitching staff's dominance.
But really, anyone with two brain cells to rub together knew that this would be a historic pitching staff (hell, Joe Blanton might rack up 18 wins while facing the other team's fifth starter), but it was thought that, with the absence of Chase Utley, the lineup would struggle. Visions of 2-1 losses danced in many a prognosticator's collective head! So it had to be a shock to see virtually the entire lineup raking over this opening three-game series. Jimmy Rollins, thought to be stung by his ouster from the leadoff spot, responded by repeatedly hitting it where they ain't. The fact that he was getting on base meant plenty of opportunities for Ryan Howard to drive in runs. The Man Who Left the Bat on His Shoulder drove in six runs over the opening weekend, including a three-run dinger on Sunday that ended the game before it started. Raul Ibanez, despite the beard begging for a Just for Men makeover, succedded in slapping the ball all over the yard. Ben Francisco, Werth's replacement in right field, while he did mangle a ball in the season opener, made an incredible play in the field on Sunday, slamming into the fence to save a run. And at the plate? The erstwhile Cleveland Indian displayed his talent for taking mistake fastballs and depositing them into the left-field stands. Other players who registered clutch hits over the first three games included John Mayberry, Wilson Valdez, and the always timely Carlos Ruiz. Probably the only player who did not acquit himself well was Shane Victorino, who celebrated his ascension to the leadoff spot by abruptly popping up to the right fielder about 18 consecutive times. But that is OK. For failing to put the freaking ball on the carpet, he was rewarded with a calf injury that kept him out of the starting lineup on Sunday. That'll show the would-be slugger.
So I know what you are thinking: The Houston Astros kind of suck. That is true. But so will a lot of teams when they realize that they are getting lucky if they ONLY have to face Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels, and Joe Blanton! The fact is I don't see this team losing two out of three in many series. That gets me to 108 wins. Throw in some fluky losses and the final tally is 102 wins and 60 losses. From there, they will obliterate the Cincinnati Reds again in the first round of the playoffs! Next victim will be the Colorado Rockies, who have a pretty good knack for folding to the Phillies when the games get big. And in the World Series, it will be the Philadelphia Phillies against the Boston Red Sox in a battle for the ages...which will end in a four-game sweep by the Phillies. I mean, the Red Sox have one hell of a lineup, but they will still sh*t their pants when forced to face this Murderer's Row of starting pitchers.
That's right. This team has me ready to go plot out my spot on Broad Street. Save me a spot, Jayson Werth! I know you ain't gonna have sh*t to do this offseason.
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