A Slightly Aimless Rant About the People at My Dunkin' Donuts

Every day I go to the same Dunkin' Donuts. And every day I go through the same dilemma. There is one section with two registers where the people quite wisely get in to two different lines. Being that this section is closer to where the trains let off, however, the lines tend to get pretty long.

Then there is this other section. Again, there are two registers. But it is a little hidden. People can't really see it what with the big lines at the other one, so there tend to be less people there. But there is one problem. No matter how many times the people at the registers yell "two lines," the people waiting in this section seem to stay in one line. It doesn't matter that there are two sets of footprints on the floor to signify that there are two lines; they stay in one line. it doesn't matter that there is a nylon rope type deal there to help people form two separate lines; people just stay in one line.

I'm constantly tempted to just jump up front and form the second line, and get summoned immediately by the person behind the counter. But I never do. I guess I fear the stink-eye, the comments about butting in, the grumbling of the timid, fellow corporate zombies who just weren't man enough to step up and get their coffee in a timely fashion. Well, I have news for those people.

I will no longer be going to the back of the line as of this day forward. I'm stepping up front. There are two lines, man, not one! If you want to sit in one line because you are too nice, if you can't follow simple instructions, that is fine! You can wait for your empty calories for as long as you like. Me? I am throwing down the gauntlet. I'm making a second line in the sand. I'm walking right up to that register to order my blueberry muffin and bottled iced tea (that's right; I'm hopping in front of you, and I don't even drink coffee). I will be begrudgingly sauntering off to work while you wonder who the azzhole is who just violated the status quo.

Why? Because the status quo sucks! I am tired of being grouped in with the non-comprehending masses who can't get it through their heads that they don't have to stand single-file like peasants in a Russian soup line of yore because no one has the balls to do the right thing. Two registers! Two lines! Get your shizz together, coffee drinkers of Suburban Station. Or I will be eating your breakfast. Literally!