Chain Reaction: Pizza Hut

Going to make this a rather short post because, if I'm being honest, the pizza I am going to describe was downed at least three weeks ago. I would not be able to be very elaborate with my descriptions, especially since I was eating with family members and was too coy to take notes. So let's get right to the point: A lot of pizza aficianados are quick to rag on chains, such as Domino's Pizza or Papa John's. They say that their pizza is not authentic. That it is taken out of a freezer before it is placed into the oven. This is fair. Still, I believe that even the greatest of pizza snobs would have to admit that, when compared to Pizza Hut, eating a pie from Domino's or Papa's is like devouring an offering from an artisan straight off the boat from the Old Country.

We got this $10 meal deal from Pizza Hut the other day. It's a lot of food, and that's great. But, boy, is the concept ridiculous! You get a one-topping pie of the medium variety. A bunch of breadsticks. And just in case you feel like you have not gotten your optimum carb intake for the year in the first two courses, they give you...MORE BREADSTICKS! Only this time, they are smothered with cinnamon sauce and accompanied by a sugary dipping sauce. It's a pretty good bargain, sure. I'm just saying: Couldn't they have dreamed up something better than more bread for that dessert item? The site of all that bread chilling in one box is patently absurd.

The Freezer Case: Safeway Select Five Cheese Pepperoni

I was a little worried by the freezer pie options the wife was presenting me with the other day. It was either this one, which came in a plain black box that made it look somewhat low-rent, or a version by Kashi. Well, when you give me the choice between [BLANK] and Kashi, you know I'm going with [BLANK]. In retrospect, this was a brilliant freaking decision.

I can honestly say that the Safeway Select frozen is the best freezer case pie I have ever had. Right out of the oven, it just looks good. While most pies look thin and fragile, this one had the width of a typical Domino's pie. Not like something you will get at a pizza store, but you don't feel like you are going to have to eat a half-hour later either. Plus, the cheese looks bubbly and the sauce is popping out from underneath.

Saucy Has a Confession!!!

Candid admissions from a secretive man.

1) I am seriously in love with that Katy Perry "Friday Night" song.When this song comes on, I literally cannot stop myself from dancing and singing like a 12-year-old girl. And I don't like it in an ironic way, like, "Wow, look at that 35-year-old dude with the beer gut freaking out to a silly pop song!" No, man! I actually think it is just really tremendous pop music. The guitar rhythm is completely infectious. The chorus is absolutely massive! The synth that emerges during the chorus feels sort of dangerous and dark. I mean, I like this song in both a very basic and highly intellectualized way. Even the video is awesome, what with its almost Web-redemptiony treatment of frequent punching bags Rebecca Black, Kenny G, Debbie Gibson, and Corey Feldman. It's very gallant of Ms. Perry in my opinion. She also looks very nice in the neon lycra.

2) I actually would seriously consider buying the whole album if it wasn't more than a year old.Because I actually like all of the singles. "Teenage Dream." "California Gurls." To a lesser extent, "Firework." Look man, this isn't easy for me to admit. I once broke up with a girl because she didn't like Kid A. The first CD I ever purchased was Philip Glass's soundtrack for the film Kundun. My Mount Rushmore of female musical artists would be Bjork, PJ Harvey, Billie Holiday, and Stevie Nicks. But what can I say? I'm feeling this shizz.