Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Perry's Pizza and Pasta Proffers Pathetic, Pitiful Pie

Only a fool would go to a mall food court looking for culinary satisfaction. However, even with that accepted, the product offered up by Perry’s Pizza & Pasta at the King of Prussia Mall was a flagrant fail.

We went to the collection of shopping emporiums one night to get some final Christmas shopping done when the entire family seemed to get tremendously hungry at the same time. After studying our options, we narrowed it down to some burgers from Five Guys or a few slices from the aforementioned pizza shop. I am still kicking myself for not going for ground beef on a bun.

Let’s start with the price before we get to the utter buzzkill that was the taste of the pie: For four slices – only one of which had toppings – a bottled water, and an apple juice, we paid upwards of 16 dollars. The plain slices were $2.99 while the “gourmet” slices – evidently pepperoni on a pie now passes for gourmet – were $3.99 a pop. This being said, I did not mind paying out the nose for some pizza as long as it was going to be decent and able to fill the growing sense of discontent within my stomach.

But this was not decent pizza. It was one of the worst slices I have tasted in some time. The wife and I both sort of gave a look at each other after taking the first bite. We each knew what the other was thinking. She diplomatically asked me what I thought about the sauce. I offered up one word that she quickly agreed to: “Ketchupy.” It literally tasted like someone had slapped some Heinz on a piece of dough. This was enough to discount the pie right away, however, I did take some additional notes on the other ingredients.

The cheese was tasteless yet probably a little under-applied, when you consider the atrocity of the sauce. The crust was very thick and didn’t offer much in the way of texture. The “gourmet” pepperoni did not inspire. It amounted basically to a bunch of “blah” mixed in with the “bleccch” of the sauce. Not good.

Here’s another word about the folks at Perry’s Pizza & Pasta: I’m not sure they even know how to, like, make a pizza. Their brick ovens must have been firing at the power of 15 flame throwers because once we got the slices we had to wait probably ten minutes before we could take a bite. I feared that contact with the roof of my mouth would leave it scarred like so much foliage in a forest fire. The pie was so scorched it created gargantuan bubbles that eradicated all ingredients. From above, the surface of the slices looked like an aerial shot of the Andes Mountains. You would bite into a piece and get nothing but hardened cheese and rock-hard crust. I am not a chef. I don’t know how the folks at Perry’s Pizza & Pasta can remedy this situation. But they might want to start with hiring someone who knows how to turn down the heat on an oven or set a timer.

It can be tough to find a place to eat in the mall. There is only so much cache to McDonald’s, and people have been known to have coronaries at Taco Bell just by looking at the menu. However, as you weigh your food options between stops at Gap and Express, please take care not to be suckered in by the folks at Perry’s Pizza & Pasta. You would probably be better off dipping an Auntie Anne’s in some tomato soup.

Perry's Pizza & Pasta160 North Gulph Road
King of Prussia, PA 19406

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