1) That guy on the train who flops into the seat like a 300 pounder - Seriously, you couldn't ease your behind onto the leather without making me hop three inches out of my seat? Chill the F out. It's not a trampoline!2) The lady who gave me the look when I jumped in front of her at the Corner Bakery today - Sorry, lady. They asked for the "next ready guest." Staring at the menu board for ten minutes with your mouth wide open does not exactly communicate the idea of readiness. They have salad, soup, and sandwiches. Pick one and get it over with.
3) People who talk when they are in the bathroom - I don't even like when someone talks to me while I am urinating, but the other day I walked into a bathroom to see two dudes chatting each other up...and one of them was in a stall with his pants around his ankles. Engaging in conversation mid-evacuation is so wrong I'm not sure I could do the reasons justice.
4) The people who run my housing development - Let us nail a satellite dish into our deck or stain said deck in a fashion that isn't to their liking and they are popping their heads up like eager prairie dogs. Ask them to fix some broken concrete in front of the house or allow us to post an advertisement for this site on the mailbox bulletin board and they are hibernating like Yogi the Freaking Bizzear!
5) The Philadelphia sports media -I can see why the coaching staff circled the wagons when Roy Halladay practically collapsed on the mound the other night in Chicago. He is their prize commodity and they don't want to see him embarassed. But it was ridiculous to see guys like the Daily News's David Murphy pretending like a pitcher dealing with a 91 degree day with humidity was akin to Lawrence of Arabia trudging through the Sahara. Roy Halladay wasn't prepared. The training staff failed him, but ultimately he couldn't hack it and two days later Vance Worley went eight innings in 98 degree heat in the middle of the afternoon. Now THAT looked hellish! The way the media jumped to adopt the Phillies company line on Monday night was a sad joke.
6) Old people who walk around my neighborhood staring aimlessly at the sky in the manner of a crazed lunatic - Seriously, I'm trying to take my kid for a walk here. I shouldn't feel like I am going to be attacked by a crazed oldie if I should happen to look at him the wrong way.
7) People who play poker at the casino, but have no idea what they are doing, and they end up winning anyway because they have enough money to make stupid plays and get away with it - I'm going to a bachelor party in a couple days in A.C. and I thought I would just post this one in advance since I am destined to get f*cked again by one of these idiots.
8) Movie trailers that give away too much - Just saw a trailer the other day for a flick called Contagion, a Steven Soderbergh film starring Matt Damon, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, and I guess Gwyneth Paltrow, although she probably won't stick around for too long. Because they show that she dies in the FREAKING TRAILER! Man, I really hope this is a swerve. How can you give away the fact that a major star dies IN THE TRAILER? Could you imagine if they did that for Psycho? Oh wait...that would have rendered the whole exercise pointless! Come on! For an example of a perfect trailer, see the one for David Fincher's upcoming The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It tells you nothing. It just looks cool and makes you want to see the movie.
9) The end of the NFL lockout - Damn, I was really hoping Michael Vick could go through another year without getting paid for his "valuable" services. Then again, maybe it is good that these guys are coming back. I was a little worried about what Vick could be doing with all that free time. Maybe now, Philly residents can let their dogs out in the backyard again without worrying that they would end up as training dogs for some rabid pitbull fighting contest. Welcome back, Eagles!!! I still won't be watching you play well in the regular season only to flop horrifically in the playoffs.
10) The temperature outside vs. the temperature inside my office - It is very odd to exit what is essentially an inferno in the morning and have to button up a cardigan sweater to the top button in order to survive the work environment within the walls. You are talking about sweating your as* off one minute and then freezing your b*lls off the next. As* sweat to b*ll freeze in a matter of seconds! It can't be healthy and a middle ground must be located. Is it really necessary to reduce the cube farm to the feel of a meat locker in order to cancel out the humidity? I think not.
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