A Slightly Aimless Rant about...That Idiot Who Interfered on Hunter Pence's Home Run/Double/Out Today

2-2 ball game. Ryan Howard on first base. Hunter Pence at the plate. Pence lifts an opposite field shot to right field. Florida Marlins outfielder Whatshisname (Sorry, I don't know who the guy is, and why would I since he plays for a last-place team that draws 15 people to its home games?) jumps for the ball. Just as he approaches the ball, a pasty white guy with a massive beer gut and a hardly fitting Phillies jersey reaches over the field with his hat to try and "catch" the ball. He interferes with Outfielder McGee. The ball is ruled a double on the field. After protest by Marlins manager Jack McKeon, the umpires go to replay. Instead of a double that would have put runners on 2nd and 3rd in a tied contest, Pence is declared out and Ryan Howard is made to go back to first base. With everything settled on the field, the idiot in the stands goes back to drinking his 18th Bud Light of the day until the ushers come down and kick he and his equally foolhardy companion out of the got dam ballpark. After their departure, the stadium is declared to be containing less people than the average town in Cormac McCarthy's The Road.

Monthly Roundup: August's Top Five Posts

To close each month, we'll do a quick roundup of the top five not-to-miss posts. In a blog with so much fascinating content, it could be easy to miss one or two good posts.

 

 

Okay, I know it's already September, but this is the first chance I'm getting to write this post. I've been busy working on my comedy routine (aka matron-of-honor speech) for my sister's upcoming nuptials. The top five posts from August were:

• Photo of the Week - Emmental launched this popular weekly feature with pictures of a mega jellyfish, a hot lady sunbathing and Hurricane Irene.
• Inside Scoop from Hunter Pence Batting Practice - Saucy linked to this post in a comment on the popular Fightins site, resulting in some major traffic. And only one douche said it sucked.
• Shipyard Pumpkinhead - Most commented-on post of the month, but I'm not sure why it was so hot. The beer itself stunk.
• Pizza Reviews - Pies were pretty darn good last month. We recommend Marzano's, Perrotto's and Olce Pizza Grille.
• Props Out: My Wife - Perhaps this was not one of the most popular posts of the month in terms of pageviews. But I like it. A lot.

The Emotional Stages of Earthquake Survival

Today, Philadelphia felt the tremors of a 5.8 earthquake that took place in Northern Virginia. The emotions I felt were swift and varied, and I have listed them here in stark detail.

Discombobulation
"Wow, I feel faint. Why am I so out of balance? Are my co-workers' constant conversations about their latest pedicure or the most recent developments on their favorite reality show making me want to fall prostrate to the carpet...AGAIN?"

Realization
"Oh no, I think it is a minor earthquake. I know because I felt a similar sensation one night while I was lying in bed. It struck me as odd immediately because since we have a kid it was the first time the bed had been rocking in weeks."

The Inside Scoop from Hunter Pence Batting Practice

If you have watched any Phillies action whatsoever since the home team picked up Hunter Pence, you know one thing: Tom McCarthy and Chris Wheeler are two of the sh*ttiest announcers in all of sports. But you would also know that they are practically orgasmic over the shows Pence puts on at batting practice. They can't shut up about it actually. Luckily, The Pizza Project was on the scene earlier today when Pence stepped into the cage today before facing the Arizona Diamondbacks. And we just happened to be in earshot of Wheels and T-Mac when the bombs started going off. Here's what we heard.

Props Out: Ruben Amaro Jr.

Today, we are throwing some love in the direction of Philadelphia Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr. The dude done did it again. He detected a weakness on his team that could keep them from succeeding, and he went out and filled the hole. Two years ago, it was nabbing Cliff Lee from the Cleveland Indians. Last year, it was jacking Roy Oswalt from the "Happ-less" Houston Astros. This July 29 (amazingly, all three trades have happened on the same date), he went out and pried rightfielder Hunter Pence away from those same erstwhile Colt 45s (apparently the guy has an affinity for robbing former Phillies GM Ed Wade).

For the last week, as the trade deadline in Major League Baseball has approached, I have been telling anyone who would listen to me that the Phillies needed to go out and snag Pence (in fact, I feel stupid that I did not write it in these airwaves because I would have looked like a frigging genius). First of all, he immediately fills a hole in your lineup because of his right-handed bat (watch Ryan Howard's numbers go up now with proper protection). He is a guy who hits for a .308 average on a team where someone hitting .250 is a rarity. He plays right field proficiently and has a rocket for an arm. Anyone who has seen Dominic Brown out there (diving for balls awkwardly, throwing the ball all over the place, jogging after balls in the corner) over the last few months knows that you would not have wanted him prowling the outfield when the games really started to count.