Saucy Has a Confession!!!

Candid admissions from a secretive man.

1) I am seriously in love with that Katy Perry "Friday Night" song.When this song comes on, I literally cannot stop myself from dancing and singing like a 12-year-old girl. And I don't like it in an ironic way, like, "Wow, look at that 35-year-old dude with the beer gut freaking out to a silly pop song!" No, man! I actually think it is just really tremendous pop music. The guitar rhythm is completely infectious. The chorus is absolutely massive! The synth that emerges during the chorus feels sort of dangerous and dark. I mean, I like this song in both a very basic and highly intellectualized way. Even the video is awesome, what with its almost Web-redemptiony treatment of frequent punching bags Rebecca Black, Kenny G, Debbie Gibson, and Corey Feldman. It's very gallant of Ms. Perry in my opinion. She also looks very nice in the neon lycra.

2) I actually would seriously consider buying the whole album if it wasn't more than a year old.Because I actually like all of the singles. "Teenage Dream." "California Gurls." To a lesser extent, "Firework." Look man, this isn't easy for me to admit. I once broke up with a girl because she didn't like Kid A. The first CD I ever purchased was Philip Glass's soundtrack for the film Kundun. My Mount Rushmore of female musical artists would be Bjork, PJ Harvey, Billie Holiday, and Stevie Nicks. But what can I say? I'm feeling this shizz.

A Slightly Aimless Rant about...That Idiot Who Interfered on Hunter Pence's Home Run/Double/Out Today

2-2 ball game. Ryan Howard on first base. Hunter Pence at the plate. Pence lifts an opposite field shot to right field. Florida Marlins outfielder Whatshisname (Sorry, I don't know who the guy is, and why would I since he plays for a last-place team that draws 15 people to its home games?) jumps for the ball. Just as he approaches the ball, a pasty white guy with a massive beer gut and a hardly fitting Phillies jersey reaches over the field with his hat to try and "catch" the ball. He interferes with Outfielder McGee. The ball is ruled a double on the field. After protest by Marlins manager Jack McKeon, the umpires go to replay. Instead of a double that would have put runners on 2nd and 3rd in a tied contest, Pence is declared out and Ryan Howard is made to go back to first base. With everything settled on the field, the idiot in the stands goes back to drinking his 18th Bud Light of the day until the ushers come down and kick he and his equally foolhardy companion out of the got dam ballpark. After their departure, the stadium is declared to be containing less people than the average town in Cormac McCarthy's The Road.

King of the Case: Yards Brewing Company

Wherein I will buy a variety case and decide what the best beer in it is.

Yards Brewing Company

Extra Special Ale
This amber-colored beer features a strong, bold flavor with hints of cocoa and caramel. It is an English-style ale, but it seems a little more drinkable to me than the usual concoction from the United Kingdom.

Philadelphia Pale Ale
This beer is a revelation from first sip. As soon as you bring it near your nose, you pick up a powerful, citrus scent. When you take a drink, fruity, pungent hop flavor jumps out at you like a mugger near an ATM. It's got session-beer ABV (4.6%), but a complexity that you usually don't find in such an easy-to-drink varietal. It's a crisp, interesting beer whose layers of flavor can simply be reveled in. Reminded me of the first time I drank Lagunitas Little Sumpin Sumpin, which is to say I feel like I need to get a case of this alone.

Brawler Pugilist Style Ale
With its brownish coloring, this beer actually reminds a lot of the Extra Special Ale. The only difference is that this one has a bit of a smoky Rauchbier-type feel. This being said, I am not a huge fan of smoky beers. If made to choose, I would go with the Extra Special.

India Pale Ale
Yards does hops well. This one features well distributed hops and distinct flavor. It's not going to blow you away like some of the more spectacular West Coast IPAs, but it isn't run-of-the-mill either. Almost feel like I would have enjoyed it even more if I had not consumed it twenty minutes or so after knocking back the Philly Pale.

The LabelsFor the look of its labels, Yards shoots for a classic, dignified feel. However, by using vibrant color combinations, they are able to ensure that the bottles are never boring. I was tempted to declare the Extra Special Ale the winner simply because the green-and-yellow color combination appeals to me. I feel like I could drink this at a bar and it would communicate that I am a man who enjoys simple pleasures, like a manly beer, a novel by Hemingway, a film by John Ford. In the end though, I give the nod to Brawler. The blue-and-orange color combo, while it is the color of the New York Mets, has always been a favorite of mine. Plus, I enjoy the art of the fighter facing off against the demonic figure. I like to imagine that the fighter is Yards and the demon is the beer brand that believes it needs to put a "Super Cold" stripe on its cans to get idiots to buy it. Buffoonish saps! Keep fighting that fight, Yards!

The WinnerThese are all solid beers that I would not mind spending way too much money on while out at a fancy-schmancy night spot with my friends. The Brawler is probably the only one I would place as a "B" beer, and that is because I am not a major proponent for smoky beers. Still, in this battle of the beers, there is only one winner and it is undoubtedly the Philadelphia Pale Ale. Just an incredible specimen of beer craftsmanship. If you see this on a menu, order it immediately as it is one of the best beers I have tasted all year. One note of interest: Even if you buy it in a bottle, pour it in a glass. The open top releases all sorts of flavors upon your senses and it makes for a way-more-delectable experience.

Booze...in 50 Words or Less: Coors Light

Coors Light
Was at party. They stocked this. What to do? Abstain from beer? Ice Cube didn't show! Bogus "Super Cold" stripe didn't seem to work therefore I couldn't tell if my beer was the right temperature (sensation on hand is insufficient indicator)! Tasted like water. Get better buzz from cough syrup.

Booze...in 50 Words or Less: Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy

Been on a seasonal kick lately. I had passed on this one about a week ago but decided to try it on a recommendation by a friend who usually drinks Coors Light. Overall it was a little sweet and the smell reminded me of a cheap lemon scented cleaning product.