1. People Causing Suspicion in the Airport - On the morning of our flight to Charlotte (we had a connector to Aruba), there was a dude in the waiting area. Guy is rocking a blanket on his head, wearing odd-looking wristbands on his arms, reading a "religious" looking document, all while moving his head forward and backward in the manner of a crazed lunatic. He looked like a mutha-flippin' ancient Mayan witch doctor or something. I was literally five seconds away from either having the guy arrested by Homeland Security or canceling the trip due to premonitions of fiery death. The wife later told me that she believed that we were taking our trip on a Jewish high-holiday. But really, I don't care. We are ten years removed from 9/11 and there has yet to be a major terrorist reoccurence on American soil. That's awesome. That doesn't mean we should all feel free to get our head-covered solitary mosh pit on in the waiting area before take-off in a fully fueled 747. I should respect your religion, but you might want to respect my paranoia. I won't bust your chops if you can simply get your chant on in your bedroom before leaving for Philly International. Too much to ask? Don't think so.
Showing posts with label Ten Things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ten Things. Show all posts
Monday, November 21, 2011
A Pessimist in Paradise: Ten Things I Hated about My Trip to Aruba
1. People Causing Suspicion in the Airport - On the morning of our flight to Charlotte (we had a connector to Aruba), there was a dude in the waiting area. Guy is rocking a blanket on his head, wearing odd-looking wristbands on his arms, reading a "religious" looking document, all while moving his head forward and backward in the manner of a crazed lunatic. He looked like a mutha-flippin' ancient Mayan witch doctor or something. I was literally five seconds away from either having the guy arrested by Homeland Security or canceling the trip due to premonitions of fiery death. The wife later told me that she believed that we were taking our trip on a Jewish high-holiday. But really, I don't care. We are ten years removed from 9/11 and there has yet to be a major terrorist reoccurence on American soil. That's awesome. That doesn't mean we should all feel free to get our head-covered solitary mosh pit on in the waiting area before take-off in a fully fueled 747. I should respect your religion, but you might want to respect my paranoia. I won't bust your chops if you can simply get your chant on in your bedroom before leaving for Philly International. Too much to ask? Don't think so.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Ten Things I’m Hating…RIGHT NOW!!!
1) Poor Bathroom Manners – I have touched on this before, but humor me for a minute for a story that will make your skin crawl: Today, I entered the hopper for an intimate moment. Only I was not able to sit down immediately for the person before me had pissed all over the seat. This is not really cool, but I have dealt with it before! I could just rip off a piece of paper, give the seat a wipe down, and pray that I do not catch any communicable diseases. It’s all good. One problem: the piss had dried!!! It had morphed into a sort of yellowish crusty layer of filth. I had to step back out of the stall, wet down a piece of paper, scrub down the urine crust with an unusual amount of elbow grease, and grab a dry paper towel to wipe down the moisture still residing on the seat. That is a lot of effort to have to go through due to another man’s lack of aim. The thing is I don’t have a problem with standing up in a stall to take a pee. It is, in fact, my preferred method of urine evacuation. However, if you are going to do it, lift the seat first, and if you should manage to get some residual fluids on the bowl, have the courtesy to wipe that sh*t off. Who knows? The next man might have diarrhea.
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