Aruba Edition: A Slightly Aimless Rant about...the Family Who Made Our Trip Home from Aruba a Living Hell

On the way back from Aruba, Saucy Jr. was an absolute terror. He never stopped jumping on us. He screamed at top volume about his desire for Animal Crackers or lollipops or toys or the potty. He constantly tried to kick the seat of the people in front of us. He slapped us in the face for daring to not allow him to do whatever the hell it was that he wanted to do at any particular moment in time. Overall, he was a horrific nuisance. But that was OK. Because he wasn't even the most annoying person (or group of people) in our general vicinity.

A Pessimist in Paradise: Ten Things I Hated about My Trip to Aruba

1. People Causing Suspicion in the Airport - On the morning of our flight to Charlotte (we had a connector to Aruba), there was a dude in the waiting area. Guy is rocking a blanket on his head, wearing odd-looking wristbands on his arms, reading a "religious" looking document, all while moving his head forward and backward in the manner of a crazed lunatic. He looked like a mutha-flippin' ancient Mayan witch doctor or something. I was literally five seconds away from either having the guy arrested by Homeland Security or canceling the trip due to premonitions of fiery death. The wife later told me that she believed that we were taking our trip on a Jewish high-holiday. But really, I don't care. We are ten years removed from 9/11 and there has yet to be a major terrorist reoccurence on American soil. That's awesome. That doesn't mean we should all feel free to get our head-covered solitary mosh pit on in the waiting area before take-off in a fully fueled 747. I should respect your religion, but you might want to respect my paranoia. I won't bust your chops if you can simply get your chant on in your bedroom before leaving for Philly International. Too much to ask? Don't think so.