The Freezer Case: Lean Cuisine Wood Fire Style BBQ Recipe Chicken Pizza

One day, I was rooting around the refrigerator looking for something to eat at work that day. As happens from time to time, the wife had told me we were broke and I was not allowed to spend money on my usual exorbitant lunch. So I needed something to stick in my mouth around noon to ensure that my work day was not as long and painful as it usually is even when my hunger is fully satiated. Peering into the freezer, I saw this item from Lean Cuisine.

I threw it back in without even thinking about the possibility that I might be forced to consume the thing.

However, when further inspection brought me to the sad realization that there was nothing else to choose from - no leftover pizza, no three-day-old Chinese, no broccoli and mayonaisse sandwiches - I reluctantly tossed the box in my chic leather work attache and headed for the train station.

Fast-forward to lunch. After zapping the pie in the micro for two minutes or so, I set about to devour it. Since it is a decent-sized circle and I didn't want to take the time to cut it in fours, I grabbed a knife and fork and figured I'd cut it up.

The first warning sign I should have gotten out of this is that there was no smell whatsoever. Usually, when something is going to be good, it fires off a smell that makes people ask what you are having for lunch. After cooking, this thing had about as interesting an aroma as a lettuce leaf. When I went to cut it for consumption, it was like a rock. As I gnawed on the thing with my plastic knife for a seeming eternity, I felt like I might need a chainsaw to get the pizza to a place where I could take a manageable bite. When I finally got a piece onto the fork and inserted it into my mouth, the disappointment was palpable.

I can't really say that it tasted like much of anything. The barbecue sauce registered slightly and the chicken was basically nonexistent. The crust, of course, tasted like a flavorless piece of cardboard. I think there were onions on it as well, but I really can't tell you: before I could get a feel for the entire dish, it was sitting in my trash can. I tossed it after four bites since the taste of the pie wasn't worth the effort I was expending in cutting it. Dreadful crap.

I guess Lean Cuisine stuff is supposed to suck. After all, it is made for sadists who are too enveloped by the shape of their physiques to bring themselves to eat a real meal. However, even for something that purposely seeks to not be that great, this Lean Cuisine pie achieved an almost unprecedented level of "Ewwww!"
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The Pizza Project
Just a nibble: http://twitter.com/ThePizzaProject
Single slice: http://www.facebook.com/ThePizzaProject
The full pie: http://thepizzaproject.blogspot.com/

The Freezer Case: Safeway Select Five Cheese Pepperoni

I was a little worried by the freezer pie options the wife was presenting me with the other day. It was either this one, which came in a plain black box that made it look somewhat low-rent, or a version by Kashi. Well, when you give me the choice between [BLANK] and Kashi, you know I'm going with [BLANK]. In retrospect, this was a brilliant freaking decision.

I can honestly say that the Safeway Select frozen is the best freezer case pie I have ever had. Right out of the oven, it just looks good. While most pies look thin and fragile, this one had the width of a typical Domino's pie. Not like something you will get at a pizza store, but you don't feel like you are going to have to eat a half-hour later either. Plus, the cheese looks bubbly and the sauce is popping out from underneath.

The Freezer Case: Whole Foods Fresh from Our Kitchen (Homemade)

Are you someone who loves cheese on your pizza? If so, this pizza from Whole Foods Plymouth Meeting is for you. I, on the other hand, am a person who likes sauce on my pizza. This isn't the pizza for me.

Let me get some positives out of the way early: The crust has a very nice texture. It's firm and floury with a crunchy cornmeal feel. They do something interesting with the pepperoni as well. Rather than cut it up into a bunch of pieces, they layer about five or six large pieces on the pie. I'm sure people can go either way with this, but I preferred it to the Wegman's school of pepperoni application, which is to cover every inch of the pie with the thin meat circles. It should also be said that the pepperoni's taste really stood out. It was both smoky and spicy. Finally, the wife liked the taste of the cheese. And that's a good thing for her because there was a ton of it.

The cheese layer was so thick, I could not see a hint of tomato sauce. When I turned the pizza sideways, the cheese layer was actually thicker than the crust. There were moments when it was actually difficult to swallow. What sauce was there was very ordinary. In other words, this is not the pizza for me. However, if you are down with mozzarella overload, run, don't walk, to get this pizza.

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The Pizza Project
Just a nibble: http://twitter.com/ThePizzaProject
Single slice: http://www.facebook.com/ThePizzaProject
The full pie: http://thepizzaproject.blogspot.com/

The Freezer Case: American Flatbread Tomato Sauce & Three Cheese

Sometimes you can just look at a frozen pizza box and know you are not going to like the pizza. Such was the case with the American Flatbread Tomato Sauce & Three Cheese pizza. I think we may have purchased and devoured three frozen pizzas before we decided to take this one out of the box. When we finally did decide to eat it, my suspicions of inferiority were confirmed.

First off, there was practically no red sauce on the pie. Odd for a pizza that puts such an important ingredient in its name. In order to be able to eat it, the wife had to get me some marinara. Not good.

It was a thin crust and a floppy one at that. The perimeter crust had a nice texture to it, but all in all it was just too slight to satisfy. It should be said that the cheese was one of the best elements of this pie. It was definitely above the average frozen. If they would be a little less stingy with the red, maybe they would have something here. But maybe not because what I did taste was not very distinctive.

All in all, this is definitely not one that I would recommend and I have already put it on the "No Fly" list in my household.

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The Pizza Project
Just a nibble: http://twitter.com/ThePizzaProject
Single slice: http://www.facebook.com/ThePizzaProject
The full pie: http://thepizzaproject.blogspot.com/

The Freezer Case: Open Nature Uncured Pepperoni Pizza

Wednesdays are a rough day for me. I go to work, put in a hard day's labor, and, when I return to the homefront, I am handed a kid and Spicy sets off to gallivanting about town (actually, it's just a pilates class). Since I am inept in the culinary department, this means that I do not get to eat until at least 8 p.m. Factor in the time for a Saucy Jr. bath if the need happens to fall on one of these days, and by the time I am set to dine on Hump Day, I can eat just about anything.

However, if given the option, I would prefer that I not be asked to eat an "Open Nature" frozen pizza.

The Freezer Case: Archer Farms Pepperoni Thin Crust Pizza

While recovering from the all-out celebration in honor of my little sister's wedding (congrats Ellio!), we kept things pretty simple meal-wise this weekend. So we picked up an Archer Farms Pepperoni Thin Crust Pizza from Target for only $3.75 (on sale and had a coupon).

Overall, it was a very good pie. Plenty of smoky, slightly spicy pepperoni, both sliced and julienned. An ample amount of robust sauce, even according to Saucy's standards. The toppings were spread all the way to the edge, leaving very little naked crust. This was a good thing, because the crust was the one weak point. A little too thin, a bit cardboardy and it crunched like a Ritz cracker.

Even with the bunk crust, we'd get this one again ... especially at that price!

The Freezer Case: EVOL Italian Sausage & Caramelized Onion Flatbread

Okay, not exactly a frozen pizza, but definitely in the same family. We've gotten burritos from the all-natural EVOL line before and they are quite tasty. Unfortunately, the flatbread was a bit of a letdown.

The ingredients (thinly sliced mild Italian sausage, mozzarella cheese, caramelized onions, roasted garlic) and the stone-fired artisan flatbread crust were all very good. And the portion size was reasonable too - while it looked a bit small when I first popped it in the oven, both the nibble and I finished lunch with some to spare. The problem? It just need more of something to give it that extra oomph. Perhaps some extra roasted garlic spread or additional mozzarella. As it is, it's just okay. However, I wouldn't rule out trying the other varieties. Perhaps the BBQ Chicken & Mozzarella has a bit more going on.

The Freezer Case: California Pizza Kitchen Crispy Thin Crust Hawaiian Pizza

My wife would gladly tell you (if you didn't already know) that I write way too long for the blog format. I know. I am really impressed with my own wit and it drives me to be a little verbose. I want to remedy this, however, and I thought I would begin (and probably end) with this post.

It's about the California Pizza Kitchen Hawaiian Pizza, frozen variety. And, well, everything about it was wack. The crust was crunchy and tasteless. The sauce was bland and practically nonexistent, so we had to freshen it with some tomato sauce of our own. The cheese was nondescript and a little clumpy. Then they went ahead and skimped on the ham-and-pineapple toppings, which I thought was kind of weak. But once I thought about it, the toppings were no good, so who really cares? In short, there is absolutely nothing good about the California Pizza Kitchen's frozen Hawaiian pie.

The Freezer Case: Wegmans Thin Crust Specialty Plain Pizza

Okay, technically not a freezer case review, but close enough. You can find this "Thin Crust Specialty Plain Pizza" in Wegmans' prepared food section in a refrigerator case.

We were late eating dinner (which makes for a crabby nibble) and trying to get a few groceries when I decided to pick up a pie that I could pop in the oven as soon as we got home. We've had their regular (not labeled as specialty, whatever that means) pepperoni pizza in the past and always been pleased. However, it was a Friday, which means no meat, and you know I like a thin crust, so we decided to give this a try.

The Freezer Case: Freschetta Simply Inspired Rustic Pepperoni Pomodoro

Spicy here, checking in from a rough few weeks. I've got strep throat and the nibble's had back-to-back illnesses: first an upper respiratory infection, now an ear infection and two pink eyes. In 15 months, he's barely been sick at all (outside of minor colds), so I guess we're getting it all at once. When things get hectic around here (or I just can't make it to the grocery store), I'll occasionally use Genuardi's grocery delivery service, which is precisely how we ended up with the Freschetta Simply Inspired Rustic Pepperoni Pomodoro.

For the most part, the delivery service is great: you get the same sale prices available at the store and you can also get free delivery as long as you order five things from their list of hot items that week (which is quite a long and varied list, so it's pretty easy to do). However, there are two major drawbacks. First, items you have ordered may be out of stock, but you don't find that out until the groceries are delivered. Second, unless you have a few hours to spend reading the fine print online for each item ordered, you may end up with enough flank steak to feed the neighborhood or a pizza with mushrooms.

The Freezer Case: 365 Everyday Value Uncured Pepperoni Pizza



Hey, if Kim Kardashian can get her pie
on after Pilates, no reason why I can't.
Must be why we look so similar ...

As Pilates night has quickly become frozen pizza night at the McGilliguddy residence, we have another freezer case review for you: Whole Foods' 365 Everyday Value Uncured Pepperoni Pizza. Kind of ironic that I top off an excruciating hour-long workout by stuffing my face with pizza, but I suppose this one must have been at least a tad healthy, since it is from Whole Foods, right?


Healthy or not, it certainly was delicious! It looked a bit small in diameter when I first put it in the oven, but since we were dining after the nibble's bedtime, it ended up being just the right amount for the two of us. With an ample amount of flavorful sauce topped with the tastiest pepperoni and a layer of gooey-but-not-greasy cheese, the pie was delectable - one of the best frozens we've ever tasted! The uncured peperoni had a bit of zing to it and the toppings were spread to the edge of the crust, so much so that there was no leftover crust remaining on the hubby's plate - definitely a rarity for a frozen. The crust was hearty, but not too doughy or dense. Probably even better than the crust on the pie we enjoyed at the Cold Point Pub last weekend.

In summary, it was delish and we will definitely be getting it again. Although if we're eating with the nibble, we'll probably need a second pie ...



The Freezer Case: Trader Giotto's Flatbread Pizza

What you are about to read is both a positive and a negative review. The truth is the pizza we had tonight was very tasty. But, in the end, I'm not sure if it was worth it, because...well, let me get to the pizza analysis.

Two factors led to my consuming Trader Giotto's Flatbread Pizza on this evening. First, wifey went to pilates. This left her with no time to prepare a detailed meal so quickness was of the essence. The second is that it was a meatless pie, and meat is something that is absolutely verboten on Ash Wednesday (unless it's a KFC Double Down; then all bets are off)! Therefore, the only toppings (if you will) on this pie were its mix of cheeses. There were four of them in all: mozzarella (yes!), provolone (OK...), asiago (you're losing me!), and ricotta (EWWWW!). After a 15-minute cooking time, it struck me that there looked to be a little more cheese on the pie than I usually prefer. But no matter! I was hungry, and, in a pinch, this would certainly do!

The Freezer Case: Wegmans Capicola and Salami Pizza

No excuses here for why we made this pizza for dinner. There was no guy's night or working late at the office, just plain laziness. The Sixers game was about to start and the lady of the house was starting to question what was for dinner. The fastest and easiest solution was the frozen pizza in the freezer.

The crust was thin and crispy just like the box had said. It was probably the best part of the whole pie. The "seasoned" tomato sauce left some room for improvement as did the toppings. The capicola ham and genoa salami didn't really enhance the pizza at all. I would have preferred it to be plain with some hot sauce, which happened to be my second slice and thus more enjoyable.

The Freezer Case: Amy's Organic Spinach Pizza

On Thursday, the hubby went out for guy's night, which means the nibble and I get to eat whatever we want for dinner ... without hearing complaints about how horrifically healthy it might be. So we enjoyed an Amy's Organic frozen pizza.

A blend of feta cheese, basil, organic spinach and tomatoes topped with a sprinkling of part-skim mozzarella cheese, it was pretty tasty. The crust was a bit heartier than what I typically prefer on a frozen, but it wasn't too doughy and I believe it helped to make the pie more satisfying. Overall, I'd give the pie one and a half thumbs up and would buy it again (for another time that the hubby isn't around, of course).

The Freezer Case: Trader Joe's Organic Woodfired Sicilian Style Pizza

With a work call scheduled for 7 and my hubby getting home at 6:15, I was short on time to cook dinner tonight. So I threw in a frozen pie and quickly whipped up a side of spinach, bacon, garlic and pre-cooked lentils (also from Trader Joe's, those bad boys are a fridge must-have for cooking a healthy side dish in a snap).

During my last shopping trip, I noticed a new pizza in the frozen aisle. We generally enjoy their pies (minus the occasional not-enough-sauce complaint from the hubby), so I felt compelled to give it a try. In all reality, it is possible that Trader Joe's did have this pie in stock for a while and the nibble had already consumed all of his diaper bag snacks by the time we made it to that section, which means I just throw in as many items as I can before his sweet sounds are drowning out the nice Hawaiian-shirted man on the intercom inviting us to sample their spicy beef and broccoli.

The Freezer Case: Newman's Own

The Pizza Project is mostly devoted to deciphering the best pizza shops in the Norristown (and surrounding) area, but we will not ignore the frozen genre. This special section, The Freezer Case, will seek to identify the best pizzas that you can buy at your local supermarket.

Toward the end of his career, the legendary actor and philanthropist Paul Newman made a film by the name of Road to Perdition. The film starred not only Newman, but two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks and several-time Oscar nominee Jude Law. It was directed by Oscar winner (for American Beauty) Sam Mendes. The shooting was done by another great of the cinema, Conrad Hall, who won Oscars not only for Perdition, but for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and American Beauty as well. In other words, there was a lot of talent involved in the film. However, when I watched the film, I admired it for the craftsmen involved, but, in the end, it didn't really satisfy. The whole did not equal the sum of its parts.