Time for a Random List: Ten 2011 Movies that Haven't Come Out Yet That Probably Won't Suck

So far this year, I count two movies that actually grabbed my attention and made me want to go see them - Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life and Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris. Otherwise, the stuff that has been coming out of Hollywood has been pretty awful. Then again, I don't get to the movies much anymore. So for all I know, The Smurfs could have been the shizznit. Anyway, here is a list (in chronological order) of ten flicks that will come out between September and the end of December that certainly seem like they have the potential for "decent status."

1) Contagion (Sept. 9)
It is directed by Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Out of Sight) and stars luminaries Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, and Laurence Fishburne. Soderbergh's recent output has been the definition of uneven (The Informant!) if not WTF (The Girlfriend Experience), but with a cast like this it is hard to believe that the medical outbreak thriller does not satisfy.

2) The Ides of March (Oct. 7)
This film about an idealistic political newbie who gets involved in a perspective-shattering Presidential election has another virtual sh*tload of great actors in it (Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Paul Giamatti. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei, et al), and it's directed by Clooney, who may not hit a home run every time (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Leatherheads), but has come up with at least one sublime creation (the unfortunately punctuated Good Night, and Good Luck.).

Ten Things I'm Hating...RIGHT NOW!!!

1) That guy on the train who flops into the seat like a 300 pounder - Seriously, you couldn't ease your behind onto the leather without making me hop three inches out of my seat? Chill the F out. It's not a trampoline!

2) The lady who gave me the look when I jumped in front of her at the Corner Bakery today - Sorry, lady. They asked for the "next ready guest." Staring at the menu board for ten minutes with your mouth wide open does not exactly communicate the idea of readiness. They have salad, soup, and sandwiches. Pick one and get it over with.

3) People who talk when they are in the bathroom - I don't even like when someone talks to me while I am urinating, but the other day I walked into a bathroom to see two dudes chatting each other up...and one of them was in a stall with his pants around his ankles. Engaging in conversation mid-evacuation is so wrong I'm not sure I could do the reasons justice.

Ten Quick Thoughts on...The King's Speech

1) The first two times I tried to watch The King's Speech, the story of King George VI and his struggle with his speech impediment, I fell asleep. I thought it was because I was tipsy both times or I turned it on too late. The third time, I made it through and I realized that the two times I conked out during the film were not due to alcohol consumption or need for shut-eye. No. It was because the film is kind of boring.

2) Colin Firth is a darn fine actor, and he does a very good job in the movie. This being said, I don't see why people were in such a rush to crown him with Oscar for this performance. I went into it expecting to be blown away by his work, and really it was a little underwhelming. I am now convinced that he was given the Oscar for portraying a guy with a speech impediment (the Academy loves characters with physical handicaps) or as a make-up call for not rewarding his incredible performance as a gay college professor struggling to recover from the loss of his partner in A Single Man. Maybe they should have given Firth the Oscar last year, and Jeff Bridges the Oscar for True Grit this year.

Random Thoughts about the 2011 Oscars

Usually, if I were to write about the Oscars, it wouldn't be in the form of a wrap-up. Instead, I would write something predicting all the winners. When I was proven to be correct, I would return the next day to gloat over my superiority in the area of trivial knowledge. If I were proven to be wrong, I would never mention the predictions again, promptly pretending that they never existed (I would probably remove the post for good measure because I am very insecure). Alas, I can not publish these sorts of predictions anymore. You see, we have a party for the Oscars every year, and this party includes a ballot contest wherein the person who gets the most correct wins a wonderful prize. Since my friends now know about this blog, if I were to print my thoughts, dishonest scalawags could invade the blog for clues and the contest would therefore be compromised (plus, you would have a lot of people dumb enough to vote for the True Grit Girl over the shoe-in of the year, Melissa Leo). This, by the way, is the circuitous route to saying that a commenter (WE HAD A COMMENTER!!! PLEASE KEEP READING AND COMMENTING!!! AND INVITE FRIENDS!!!) asked us what our thoughts were on the Oscars. Well...here they are in a completely random yet incredibly voluminous manner.

1) It is nice that a lot of people have seen fit to get in Kirk Douglas's corner. They say that he was charming. They say that he was witty. They say that he was a good sport. But let's be honest: Dude had no business being on that stage. His appearance was trainwreck television of the highest order. It couldn't get more uncomfortable if you asked Mel Gibson to cut the ribbon at the groundbreaking for a new Holocaust museum. By saying this, I in no way disparage Douglas, who suffered a debilitating stroke and is 94 years old for God's sake. But the douchebag producers who put him in that position probably should have been tarred and feathered in the middle of Sunset Boulevard.