Booze...in 50 Words or Less: Coppola Rosso

Coppola Rosso
I will be the first to admit I know nothing about wine. Still, this is my favorite bottle. Why? It's probably because the guy who owns the winery also released such classics as The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, The Conversation, Apocalypse Now, and Jack (OK, forget that last one).

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The Pizza Project
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Time for a Random List: The Ten Best Films by Woody Allen

In tribute to Woody Allen: A Documentary, a two-part special from PBS's American Masters television series.

10. Match Point (2005)
9. Deconstructing Harry (1997)
8. Husbands and Wives (1992)
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
6. Celebrity (1998)
5. Sleeper (1973)
4. Sweet and Lowdown (1999)
3. Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)
2. Manhattan (1979)
1. Annie Hall (1977)

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The Pizza Project
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New to the Collection: Modern Times

Every time Saucy adds a new DVD to his increasingly mammoth film collection, he will take the time to provide five indelible scenes that convinced him to spend his hard-earned sheckles on something he could have gotten for free with a DVD burner and a Netflix subscription. Unless he doesn't want to do that, at which point he will just do something else. This installment discusses Modern Times, the 1936 comedy by Charles Chaplin.

So I now own the Criterion Collection's edition of Charlie Chaplin's 1936 semi-silent skewering of big business, Modern Times. The problem is I don't really like it.

This is tough for me to admit. For a film snob, Charlie Chaplin is someone who you feel you SHOULD like. And there are moments in Modern Times that are indeed transcendent. They live in cinema lore for good reason. There's the moment where he tests the system that is supposed to feed the workers lunch while they work. There's the iconic trip through the assembly line machinery. There's the part where The Tramp gets arrested because a flag that falls off a passing truck gets mistaken for a banner leading a Communist Party march. There's Paulette Goddard, looking simply stunning in black-and-white, being lovingly photographed by then-beau Chaplin's lens. And then there's the ending with Chaplin and Goddard walking down the road to a future of undetermined happiness, set to the music of Chaplin himself. It could be the signature image in all of Chaplin's distinguished oeurve.

But here's the thing: For all these great images, it must be said that, for the second time, I fell asleep while trying to watch the film. Now, I don't think that falling asleep during a movie is necessarily a condemnation of the material. Several times, I have fallen asleep while watching 2001: A Space Odyssey. It's the slow rhythm of the movie. The soothing classical music. The sound of H.A.L.'s voice. In fact, there have been times when I wanted to take a nap and I turned on 2001 to help me. It just puts me in a really mellow place. Another example is Courage Under Fire, the Edward Zwick film that stars Denzel Washington, Meg Ryan, and a young Matt Damon. I enjoyed the film with its Rashomon-style structure. Thought Denzel was great and Ryan brave in trying something different. But I fell asleep with about a half-hour left. I attribute this to going to see it at around midnight. Even when I was in my early twenties this was a recipe for a movie theater snooze.

But twice? At this point, I have to come to the conclusion that there is something about Chaplin's masterpiece that just doesn't do it for me. I think there are points where he is simply way too in love with his own cleverness. For instance, the aforementioned scene where The Tramp tests the feeding machine. Watching it, I got the distinct feeling that it could have been two or three minutes shorter. There is also the very tricky idea of a mostly silent film (Chaplin for the most part does not have characters speak, but he does allow for atmospherics, such as machine noises, etc.) in 1936, nearly a decade after The Jazz Singer broke the sound barrier. While I am aware that Chaplin chose not to immediately accept the dialogue revolution because he felt it would be death for his Tramp character, his choice smacks of willful stubbornness. Especially in light of two things: the effectiveness of the scene toward the conclusion when Chaplin's character sings a gibberish Italian tune and the quality of The Great Dictator, Chaplin's 1940 entry into the world of sound cinema. The singing scene shows to me that Chaplin knew that sound, when strategically applied, could enhance his work and The Great Dictator reveals The Maestro's expert use of sound to bolster mood. The scenes in Dictator where Chaplin's Adenoid Hynkel addresses his maniacal masses (this time in gibberish German) are hilarious, scary, and viciously satirical all at the same time. And it quite simply makes me wonder how, if he had applied the available technology to Modern Times, the film could have been improved. At the same time, I am aware that my opinion here is not in the majority AND I am not one of these people who cannot watch a silent picture simply for the fact that there is no talking. I am also aware that it is tough to take my opinion as informed at face value due to the fact that I entered a state of unconsciousness while I was viewing the feature.

Bottom line: While it is now a permanent member of my collection, I cannot say that I am a fan of Charles Chaplin's Modern Times. And when you are buying a film from Criterion Collection, which usually cost a pretty penny indeed, it is probably a good idea to make sure that you approve of the film before making the cash transaction. It is a mistake that I would love to say that I will not make again, but my lifelong addiction to film snobbery leads me to think that I will one day be recording a similar lament to the one in this story.

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The Pizza Project
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Ten Quick Thoughts on...Bridesmaids

1. This was a better-than-average comedy with some very quality laughs. At the same time, it was nowhere near as funny as some of the critics tried to make it sound.

2. I have high hopes for Kristen Wiig. She is always fun to watch. Not only does she have some of the best comic timing around (and some deceptively incredible legs as her character's short skirts consistently displayed), but she also did a good job of pulling off some of her characeter's more emotional scenes. I am going to go out on a limb and say that she is a role in a creditable director's film away from a Diane Keaton-esque career as a comedienne who can thrive in more serious roles. In other words, if Woody Allen can stay alive long enough, she will win an Oscar for acting in one of his movies.

The Pizza Project Goes to the Movies...Well, Not Really

Saucy loves to go to the movies. But he can't afford them anymore. So until someone starts paying us to do this sh*t, he is going to have to improvise. So here's this week's blind movie reviews.
The Thing
This movie has already been remade once. But this time it is going to be different! Because Kurt Russell's character is a chick. And there will be better effects and more blood and stuff. Welcome to Hollywood in the year 2011! This movie will be horrible and mindless buffoons will love it. And it will be remade again in 2032. In 8D!!!!

FootlooseI don't think a flick could look worse on paper. A remake of a film that was already horrible starring dancers who couldn't act their way out of a paper bag if they were playing that freak from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Of course, one of the stars is Julianne Hough of Dancing with the Stars fame. So the thing will make millions! Because, you know, for some inexplicable reason people actually give a flying f*ck about Dancing with the Stars. Ugh! Kenny Loggins is probably rolling around in his career's grave.

The Pizza Project Goes to the Movies...Well, Not Really!

Saucy loves to go to the movies. But he can't afford them anymore. So until someone starts paying us to do this sh*t, he is going to have to improvise. So here's this week's blind movie reviews.

50/50
There are many pros and cons with this one. Pro: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, a rising star and a person who is starting to see the best scripts first, stars in the lead role. Con: Seth Rogen, who has begun to annoy me in pretty much anything he is in, is featured as Gordon-Levitt's supportive buddy. Pro: Anna Kendrick, fresh off of her 2009 Best Supporting Actress turn in Up in the Air, has a role as Gordon-Levitt's doctor. Con: Bryce Dallas Howard, whose films usually don't end up being very good, also shows up. Being that the film is directed by someone I have never heard of (Jonathan Levine), chances are good that it won't really impress. Still, it seems like a decent enough premise, and I am betting that most people will come out of it thinking, "You know, that was a pretty good movie although it would have been better if Jason Segal took the Rogen role."

The Pizza Project Goes to the Movies...Well, Not Really!

Saucy loves to go to the movies. But he can't afford them anymore. So until someone starts paying us to do this sh*t, he is going to have to improvise. So here's this week's blind movie reviews.

MoneyballEven if you don't like baseball (who doesn't?) or nerdy statistics (who does?), you will love this movie. Why? First of all, it stars Brad Pitt, perhaps the most charismatic movie star in the world and one of the screen's most underrated great actors. Don't believe me? Check out The Tree of Life when it comes out on video. Or just watch Fight Club or 12 Monkeys again. Second, it is directed by Bennett Miller, who, while no means a household name, did direct Philip Seymour Hoffman (who is also in this movie) to an Oscar with 2005's Capote. I'm betting that he does a very good job with this material as well. Then there are the writers. The first version of the script was written by Steve Zaillian, who also had a hand in writing the modest indie hits, Gangs of New York and Schindler's List. When the makers of this film decided the piece needed a little touch-up, they went ahead and threw money at Aaron Sorkin, the guy who just won an Oscar for penning The Social Network. So yeah, the pedigrees here are quality. The only thing that could ruin this flick is the fact that it also stars Jonah Hill, also known as "the worst thing about every movie he has been in thus far in his career." However, early reviews have even been positive about his performance. Bank on it. This one is worth the 20 dollars you will pay for a large soda alone.

New to the Collection: Up

Every time Saucy adds a new DVD to his increasingly mammoth film collection, he will take the time to provide five indelible scenes that convinced him to spend his hard-earned sheckles on something he could have gotten for free with a DVD burner and a Netflix subscription. Unless he doesn't want to do that, at which point he will just do something else. This installment discusses Up, the 2009 animated film by Pixar Studios.

I had prepared a really long, pompous, snobby, interminable screed about the "Married Life sequence" in Up, the scene that I consider to be the greatest single piece of filmmaking in movies during the year of 2009, and probably one of the five or so best examples of film editing during the last decade. It was basically just a restating of the events that take place during the sequence, only I inserted some really absurd terms, like "meet-cute," "human condition," and "haunting image." Seriously, the thing really blew. I figured I would just scrap it and allow you to watch the scene for yourself. Follow the link and enjoy!

New to the Collection: The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

Every time Saucy adds a new DVD to his increasingly mammoth film collection, he will take the time to provide five indelible scenes that convinced him to spend his hard-earned sheckles on something he could have gotten for free with a DVD burner and a Netflix subscription. This installment discusses The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, the 1948 film starring a deliciously crazed Humphrey Bogart and directed by that manliest of men's directors, John Huston.

1) "Can you stake a fellow American to a meal?"
Three times, Bogart's Fred C. Dobbs hits up the same unfortunate fellow (Huston, in a memorable cameo) for money to get himself something to eat. However, despite the fact that the benefactor agrees to give Dobbs not only three donations, but a fourth to simply leave him alone, Bogart's character never manages to buy that promised meal. Either he's hitting a bar or luxuriating for a nice shave and haircut. In the first ten minutes, the scene not only entertains, but shows Dobbs' hunger, his greed, and his basic immorality, all of which will lead him toward madness as he hunts for gold flakes later in the picture.

Ten Quick Thoughts on...Hereafter

1) We got this from Netflix something like two months ago and it has been sitting on the shelf down in the basement for all that time. I know I pretty much need to watch anything by Clint Eastwood at this point (hell, man, the guy could keel over any minute now), but this one wasn't calling out to us. And now I know why. The film was just OK.

2) There's a three-proinged story going on here. You have the story of a French journalist (Francophile actress Cecile De France) who has a near-death experience while vacationing in Indonesia around the time of the epic tsunami. There's a lapsed psychic toiling away at a factory job in San Francisco (Matt Damon). Then you have a young boy (played by both Frankie and George McLaren) from a shattered home who falls into despair when his twin brother is killed in a horrible car accident. The stories progress as threads of a whole that come together in the final act. These sorts of movies rarely work for me because I am always becoming more involved with one aspect of the story over the others and then I keep just wanting them to return to the one I am enjoying. In this case, the one I became engrossed in was the Damon story. The French one I didn't enjoy, probably because the actors were all so...French, and the one with the kid was just really dull.

Time for a Random List: Ten 2011 Movies that Haven't Come Out Yet That Probably Won't Suck

So far this year, I count two movies that actually grabbed my attention and made me want to go see them - Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life and Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris. Otherwise, the stuff that has been coming out of Hollywood has been pretty awful. Then again, I don't get to the movies much anymore. So for all I know, The Smurfs could have been the shizznit. Anyway, here is a list (in chronological order) of ten flicks that will come out between September and the end of December that certainly seem like they have the potential for "decent status."

1) Contagion (Sept. 9)
It is directed by Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Out of Sight) and stars luminaries Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, and Laurence Fishburne. Soderbergh's recent output has been the definition of uneven (The Informant!) if not WTF (The Girlfriend Experience), but with a cast like this it is hard to believe that the medical outbreak thriller does not satisfy.

2) The Ides of March (Oct. 7)
This film about an idealistic political newbie who gets involved in a perspective-shattering Presidential election has another virtual sh*tload of great actors in it (Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Paul Giamatti. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei, et al), and it's directed by Clooney, who may not hit a home run every time (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Leatherheads), but has come up with at least one sublime creation (the unfortunately punctuated Good Night, and Good Luck.).

New to the Collection: Gran Torino

Every time Saucy adds a new DVD to his increasingly mammoth film collection, he will take the time to provide five indelible scenes that convinced him to spend his hard-earned sheckles on something he could have gotten for free with a DVD burner and a Netflix subscription. Unless he doesn't feel like writing about five scenes, at which point he will write about something else. This installment discusses Gran Torino, the 2008 film by very old yet very accomplished director and actor Clint Eastwood.

When I first saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino in the theater, I knew that I liked it. However, I don't think I knew that I liked it as much as I do. It got to the point where every time it was on HBO, I was sticking with it. Sometimes five minutes. Sometimes ten. If it was anywhere remotely near that scene where Eastwood gets out of the truck and has a showdown with three black street toughs, only to gain their respect by mocking a white guy trying be "down" by chatting urban slang, I would wait as much as a half-hour. That's just a totally inexplicable yet completely enjoyable scene.

Ten Quick Thoughts on...Blue Valentine

1) I really should have realized this flick wasn't coming anywhere near a happy ending when it basically began with a dog escaping from its pen, only to be found laying on the side of the road dead from an apparent car collison. As metaphors for a failed marriage go, that was kind of clear.

2) Michelle Williams is quickly putting the whole Dawson's Creek aspect of her career in the rear view. She has deftly avoided the curse that has struck the rest of her castmates on that show (I will cop to having never bore witness to one scene). As a woman stuck in an unfulfilling marriage to an alcoholic lacking in ambition (is there any other kind of alcoholic?), she is splendid. Still, one gets the idea that she could probably be game for a comedy at this point of her career. Think of her most memorable roles: Ryan Gosling's put-upon wife in this one, Heath Ledger's put-upon wife in Brokeback Mountain, Leonardo DiCaprio's dead wife in Shutter Island. I guess it is better to be put-upon than dead? In any event, she plays Marilyn Monroe in a movie coming out soon. Marilyn Monroe. That can't end well.

New to the Collection: Milk

Every time Saucy adds a new DVD to his increasingly mammoth film collection, he will take the time to provide five indelible scenes that convinced him to spend his hard-earned sheckles on something he could have gotten for free with a DVD burner and a Netflix subscription. This installment discusses Milk, the 2008 biopic of gay icon and San Francisco revolutionary Harvey Milk by iconoclast director Gus Van Sant.

1) Harvey Milk meets Scott Smith
Other than the provocative opening sequence that shows actual footage of gay men being harassed by police, this is the first scene of the movie, and the thing that makes it so interesting is that it is so...boring. It's just a simple meet-cute scene between two men filmed in matter-of-fact fashion by Van Sant, who with this opening states that he doesn't plan on treating two men meeting each other and agreeing to a tryst as anything out of the ordinary. No swelling orchestra music. No winking concessions for the straight audience. Just two people running into each other and falling in love...kind of. Just like straight people do. That is sort of the point, I think.

Ten Quick Thoughts about...True Grit (2010)

1) I am certainly not a fan of the whole sequel/remake/reboot fascination that is running rampant through Hollywood in this foul era of our cinema (heard today they are remaking Total Recall), but this is one that I think was well worth the effort. Supposedly, the film is more loyal to the intent of the book than the 1969 version that starred John Wayne so it doesn’t really count as a remake; it is better termed a reinterpretation (I must be honest and say that I have not read the novel by Charles Portis, nor have I seen the entire film – saw enough to see that John Wayne was good fun, but probably not award-worthy, and that the girl playing Mattie Ross was kind of annoying and awkward). In any event, the new version is a strong story of retribution with the customary dark wit of the Coen Brothers.

Time for a Random List: Most Beautifully Shot Films by Decade

One night, when wasted of course, I composed an epic list for my friend of the most beautifully shot films by decade beginning with the 1930s. I really don't know why I did this. He simply mentioned the word "film" in a text and it sent me off on a diatribe that ended only because I was in the midst of consuming my sixth Weyerbacher Verboten of the night. Anyway, I would like to share this list with you right now because a) the list still intrigues me and b) I probably think this line of conversation is way more intellectually stimulating than it actually is.

1930s - Gone with the Wind: There isn't a lot of competition here. Maybe The Wizard of Oz? The temptation is to give it to Judy Garland's film because of the sheer awesomeness of those flying monkey dudes, but GWTW wins for that massive crane shot at the train station alone. The one that ends with the shot of the Confederate flag in tatters. When that flag pops in and the solemn music comes in to accompany it, it is almost enough to make you feel for those slave-owning crackers. Nah, just kidding. I'm glad all those a-holes got iced.