Time for a Random List: The Top Twenty Songs of 2011 (All Genres Included)

20. "Sister" - The Black Keys
19. "End of Time" - Beyonce
18. "Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall" - Coldplay
17. "Welcome to the Jungle" - Jay-Z and Kanye West
16. "Tomboy" - Panda Bear
15. "Into Your Alien Arms" - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
14. "No Future Shock" - TV on the Radio
13. "Long Burn the Fire" - Beastie Boys
12. "The Words That Maketh Murder" - PJ Harvey
11. "New Lands" - Justice
10. "Jack Sparrow" - The Lonely Island featuring Michael Bolton
9. "Nuclear Seasons" - Charli XCX
8. "Super Bass" - Nicki Minaj
7. "Born This Way" - Lady Gaga
6. "Moves Like Jagger" - Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera
5. "Crystalline" - Bjork
4. "Helplessness Blues" - Fleet Foxes
3. "Claudia Lewis" - M83
2. "Last Friday Night" - Katy Perry
1. "Bloom" - Radiohead

Honorable Mention: "Cruel" - St. Vincent; "Taken for a Fool" - The Strokes; "Do I Wait" - Ryan Adams; "Forget That You're Young" - The Raveonettes; "Holdin' on to Black Metal" - My Morning Jacket
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Time for a Random List: The Top Ten Pop Songs of 2011

10. "Hello" - Martin Solveig & Dragonette
9. "We Found Love" - Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris
8. "Yeah 3x" - Chris Brown
7. "Dynamite" - Taio Cruz
6. "Give Me Everything" - Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack, and Nayer
5. "Marry the Night" - Lady Gaga
4. "Moves Like Jagger" - Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera
3. "Super Bass" - Nicki Minaj
2. "Party Rock Anthem" - LMFAO featuring Lauren Bennett and GoonRock
1. "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" - Katy Perry

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The Ten Commandments of a Successful Office Holiday Party

Thou Shalt Not Complain about the Festivities – Your work used to take you out on the town for an expensive luncheon at a reputable Italian restaurant. There was a delicious spread and an open bar complete with hard liquor and several different sorts of beers. Now the affair has been downsized to a meeting room in your work’s office. The food is OK, but the drink choices consist of two different wines, an indistinctive red and a run-of-the-mill white, and two different beers that can only be described as “less than shite,” Miller Lite and Yuengling Lager. This is grounds for serious complaint, right? It’s indicative of your company’s lack of appreciation for your daily efforts, yeah? Wrong on both counts. There’s a recession on, man! Take what you are given and be glad your company pays you for checking out movie sites half the damn day.

Saucy Has a Confession!!!

Candid admissions from a secretive man.

1) I am seriously in love with that Katy Perry "Friday Night" song.When this song comes on, I literally cannot stop myself from dancing and singing like a 12-year-old girl. And I don't like it in an ironic way, like, "Wow, look at that 35-year-old dude with the beer gut freaking out to a silly pop song!" No, man! I actually think it is just really tremendous pop music. The guitar rhythm is completely infectious. The chorus is absolutely massive! The synth that emerges during the chorus feels sort of dangerous and dark. I mean, I like this song in both a very basic and highly intellectualized way. Even the video is awesome, what with its almost Web-redemptiony treatment of frequent punching bags Rebecca Black, Kenny G, Debbie Gibson, and Corey Feldman. It's very gallant of Ms. Perry in my opinion. She also looks very nice in the neon lycra.

2) I actually would seriously consider buying the whole album if it wasn't more than a year old.Because I actually like all of the singles. "Teenage Dream." "California Gurls." To a lesser extent, "Firework." Look man, this isn't easy for me to admit. I once broke up with a girl because she didn't like Kid A. The first CD I ever purchased was Philip Glass's soundtrack for the film Kundun. My Mount Rushmore of female musical artists would be Bjork, PJ Harvey, Billie Holiday, and Stevie Nicks. But what can I say? I'm feeling this shizz.

Top Fourteen Thoughts I Had While Out at Sapphire in Manayunk

1) Goodness gracious. F*ck am I doing in Manayunk?

2) "You know, I think I had a little too much Cosco beer at our friends' bridal shower before coming here. Maybe I'll just start off with a nice, refreshing wat...whoa, they have Stone IPA on the menu!?!?!?! I'll take six in a wine tub."

3) "I don't think I am in the mood for dancing tonight. Plus, I have a cold. Think I'm just going to go ahead and keep it a little chil...whoa, is this that "Friday" song by Katy Perry. Did I just do the Cabbage Patch?"

4) "I'm literally jumping up and down uncontrollably like a maniac right now. I don't even think I would know how to stop if I wanted to. There's some sort of brain/nervous system disconnect going on here. And this is to the Black Eyed Peas. Fergie, Will.i.am., the little black guy, and the long-haired dude of indeterminate origin. Even I want to punch myself in the face right now."